Jacify My Statement.

Another night of self pity.

♥Profile♥

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

I am me.

♥Tag♥

♥Links♥

♥Historic Moments♥

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Thursday, December 31, 2009, 1:22 AM

The remaining graduation pictures as promised.

Thursday, December 17, 2009, 4:04 PM

Graduation ceremony, 16th December 2009

Another milestone, everything has come to an end. At least for now.

This time, is less sappy/touched but realization that I am actually very highly educated. Never in my life I would consider doing a Masters but here I am, with a Masters in my hand and the knowledge at the back of my head. This whole thing is crazy.

Through this year, I know Domo, got wiser, met lena and her family. Is a fruitful experience. I will not do it again but I enjoyed every minute of it. I dare say, I put in my very best and am pleased with the results (me in my regalia).

Let the photos do the talking.

I didn't have a pocket and hence, I have to put it in a very safe place. WAHAHA

Friday, December 11, 2009, 1:40 AM

Went to lena's to meet her mum. Her mum is good with her skills, skills that can read a person in depth. I finally met her and she poured out my history and it made me upset. Upset coz is true.

Family: My parents love me though I always feel they do not. Due to their ability constraint, they can't offer what I would expect and it tore our relationship. Talks like "maybe you should reincarnate into a more wealthy family in your next life" or " I can't afford to let you study university, poly education is what I am going to provide and whatever next in your own business".

Things that make me wonder their love for me when I was much younger. I thought they were selfish but never the fact that they were not able to provide whatever families are providing.

This resolution amplified how selfish I was to think the world revolved around me. Me alone. They did whatever they could and whatever they were able to, to provide me with education and somewhat cushy life. Yet, I am so ungrateful.

I wasn't the most bright student when I was much younger. My mum had to send me to tuition, swimming classes, abacus classes and what's not, thinking such activities will flex my brain muscles to their maximum capacity. Every month, mum has to pay a truckload of fees to sustain my weekly 'exercise' just so I can be 'normal'. I disappointed her time and time again by being rebellious, being stupid. She even has to take up a second job cleaning up people's houses to keep up with the growing monetary needs. How ungrateful am I?

I teared. I know they love me. I really do but I am never contented. I always wanted more. More this more that, more luxury items, more holidays.

Looking at myself now, I still wonder what will my life be if I do not have to work and study. Will my life be much more cushy? Will my results be more outstanding? It did crossed my mind that they are suffering in sg while I am 'enjoying' life here in aussie and I WANT TO DO SOMETHING. Something to ratify the situation but my flesh is weak. I NEVER ASK FOR MONEY except for uni fees. In my heart, I know the fees is rocket high and I only asked what remaining that I can't managed to save for. Yet, I always wonder.

I talked to my dad last week. I almost cried. I knew what he wants to hear and I told him, " i will send money home once I get a job." Words so sweet but sometimes reality is not.

If only, reality mirrored words.

Sunday, December 06, 2009, 6:18 PM

Do you have a moment where you fall all over again with your other half? I found mine. I found the moment where I fall all over again.

Friday, December 04, 2009, 1:51 AM

was reading sze's entry and did the quiz... give it a try.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009, 6:30 AM

Feeling surreal, having only a few hours of undisturbed sleep. I felt replenished, uncanny. Probably due to the fact that Sly is back, like a pillar that was missing (when he was away), was finally filling the cold place.

Work has been cool, with the hours bestowed to me, I have less to worry about; the PR application of course. I have not exactly reached the desired amount but my feeling has got less tensed.

Resumes had been sent with errors, mistake on my part. But lena's mum's words consoled me, that I shouldn't be worried. My mum's word taunted me in my dire state of mind.
"If is meant to be, IT will happened", she said.

Never a believer of her words but that's the only thing I survived on, for now at least.

I learnt to not hold onto something that only makes me upset. Too shy to admit I am in rock bottom. Hence, why I like to stay home and mull over my morbid thoughts. Had been throwing my concentration on form fillings and leisure reading, it seems to take my mind off the desperation I felt. Not being to work in my field due to my residency status, is not something I should mopped on. Bitter, I know.

People urged me to enjoy my holiday, and I very much wish to. But it seems senseless and guilty to do. I know I should take a break after 16 years of studying. 16 long dreary years. Time really fly pass, don't they? And now, I am standing at my cross road, waiting for a sign. A sign to light the unknown path that I should embark on. My instincts have worn out and I doubt my judgement every now and then.

Thanks Domo for being around and being ever so supporting to my reckless, careless and lack of foresight. He has been amazing but I need to deal with this emo-ness alone.

Thanks bird for being ever so understanding and Sze, you are definitely not forgotten, you tide me through my waves of insecurity. Von has been really supportive, as usual.

I have all the things and people I want/need, what more do I need to succeed?

Opportunity.