Another night of self pity.
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I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

I am me.

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    Sunday, June 28, 2009, 3:17 PM

    金牛座

    金牛座的人似乎天生就有忧郁和压抑的性格。当这些累积到顶点时,就会如同火山一般的爆开。他们在十二星座中算是工作最勤勉,刻苦耐劳、坚忍不拔的;耐心、耐力、韧性是其特性。他们相信拥有爱情、美丽与富有的喜悦,是生命存在的证明,也是他信仰的真理,为了这个目的;他们会选择最安全、确实的途径(通常是长期的酝酿和深思熟虑的结论),一旦下定决心,没有人可以改变它。>>    他们忠诚、真心、善解人意、实际、不浮夸、率真、负责,凡事讲求规则及合理性。喜欢新理念并会花时间去接触、证明,是个自我要求完美的人;同时他们对物质和美的生产力方面,也是超人一等。>    Ⅰ区金牛 4.21-4.30>>  行星是金> 星,是爱和美的象征,它赋了你爱的坚定和固定的性情。乐意行善,坚忍,有意志力,有活力。爱恨都很固执,不轻易放弃,能和人共甘苦,慈悲为怀,特别是对待亲近的人更是如此,显示出真正的豁达大方。>   Ⅱ区金牛 5.1-5.10>>    > 行星是水星,是知识的象征,主宰心灵中较理智的部份。为人审慎,保守,积极,脑子灵活,受到好影响会显出机警、知觉力、勤勉而坚强的人格。不好的影响则会窥探、干涉、冷漠、极端、健忘、表情太多的倾向。>   Ⅲ区金牛 5.11-5..20>>    > 行星是土星,它是时间的象征,统治思想和沉思的倾向。使得它的子民,变得小心翼翼,有耐心和体贴。它的力量在于稳定、坚忍和毅力之中。财富靠勤俭和小心投资。具宽大心胸,仁慈,乐于行善,富同情心。>>   

    金牛座男性>   • 基本性格> >>    金牛座男性个性温和顺从,喜爱和平,崇尚和睦,性格沉稳,总是三思而后行。对人对事态度慎重,趋于保守,固执且一根筋,常会被人称作不懂变通的顽固派。极具韧性,只要是自己认准的事情,不管多大的困难也要坚持到底。有较强的责任感,对同事有深厚的友情,但由于对事情多计较,会遭到朋友的误解。平时温文尔雅,但一旦动怒,却又令人望而生畏。对于金牛座男性而言,一定要拿捏准何时应针锋相对,何时应退让一步,盲目的勇敢有时会惹来大祸。>     •>
    注意点>>    所到之处,足以令其蓬荜生辉,但有时会因为意见相左而引起不和,所以一定要适度地表现出宽容的雅量。不要只顾眼前利益,只有学会用长远眼光看待人生,才能成就大业。节约和节制固然重要,但如果为人过于吝啬,即便是投入很大也换不来好名声,只会遭到人们的反感。>>     • 职业和金钱>>    金牛座男性缺乏果敢和冒险精神,可能会因此而错过许多良机,处世时应切记这一点。虽然开拓精神不足,但有很强的直觉力,如果借助于此脚踏实地安稳的开展事业,定会获得成功。如果你是金牛座,学习专业技术是最佳的选择。由于缺乏冒险精神,在尝试新事物上会有些难度,但因为你偏重感性,有较强的直觉和与生俱来的艺术天分,如果成为专业人士或某个领域的佼佼者,人生会过得很惬意。>>    适合的具体职业有作家、画家、儿童文学家、设计师、食品制造、出版行业、金融业等,最好长时间地投入某个领域,如果在企业供职,则以总务、劳务、策划等管理职务和技术研究职务为优先考量,秘书职业也很有前途。>>     走财运的年龄是26、33、42、51、60岁,> 最好在30岁到40岁之间成就事业。>     • 恋爱和婚姻>>    金牛座男性爱得深情款款,温情脉脉,安静温和的特质具有让人内心舒适的神奇魅力。爱情运很好,但不会走桃花运,平凡的婚姻生活也需要经济实力作后盾。作为金牛座,你的身上还保留着孩童般的纯真和浮躁,希望和年长的女性谈恋爱。金牛座男性很少会因为盲目的爱情或冲动的情欲而损害身体,大多都是以结婚为大前提开始恋爱。在性生活方面缺乏自制力,有时会不分时间和场所的亢奋起来,热衷于性爱,对同性恋也有兴致。性格固执,警戒心强,占有欲和嫉妒心超过一般水准,所以一定要学会宽宏大量。>   

    >>    理想的结婚对象是摩羯座、处女座女> 性,年龄最好相差6岁左右,同龄者和年长者也不错。24、33岁时会遇到最佳伴侣,适宜晚婚,另外相亲促成的婚姻比自由恋爱婚姻更为理想。你看女性的眼光不够准,难以区分爱情和同情心,所以选择结婚对象时,最好向身边的亲友寻求帮助。>     • 健康和疾病>> >    步入中年之后,要特别注意因荷尔蒙和脏器功能的衰退引起的糖尿病和肾病,酒少喝无妨,但一定要戒烟。咽喉和食道的疾病会危及生命,而肾病和泌尿系统疾病会带来极大的痛苦,所以应当定期进行检查。>>     应格外注意疾病的年龄是> 22、34、43、59岁,长寿秘诀是养成有节制的生活习惯。>     • 住宅>>    整体外观和谐统一,四周树木繁茂,生活便利,带有田园风格,能够保护个人隐私,且令你身心舒畅的住宅才是最理想的住宅。从位置来看最好距离繁华街道不远,但不要在街边,门窗最好朝东北偏东向或东向。>>  >  

    金牛座女性>    •

    基本性格>>    金牛座女性在优裕的环境中长大,为人自然亲切,个性温柔,顺从。爱洁净,崇尚美好忠贞的爱情,具有抵制虚伪和谎言坚定不移的信念,并以此广泛地影响他人。>     温柔女孩>>     会不事> 张扬地对处在困境中的人伸出援助之手。对他人的关爱之心比任何人都丰富,所以家里通常挤满了拾来的小猫小狗。>     慢条斯理>    无论做什么事都慢条斯理。>     
    信用度>>>     向来信守约定,在朋友中间信用度堪称第一。但是一定要注意言行,不要让自己成为别人茶余饭后的谈资。>     
    固执己见>>     平时总是面带微笑,可一旦心情低落,就会紧闭心> 扉,一言不发。要学会认真地倾听对方的意见。>     
    实现目标>>     认准目标之后,会一步一个脚印、脚踏实地前进。如果下定决心开始积蓄,将来有可能成为百万富翁。>     
    太过慎重>>     你待人随和,会吸> 引很多朋友和你交往。但是态度过于慎重,不愿敞开心扉,这会使你错失良机,成为拓宽人际关系的绊脚石。>     
    愉快地生活>>     向往美好的事物,具有将生活安排得愉悦惬意的> 卓越能力。在自己的房间里,会把称心的娃娃靠在床头,内心充满浪漫,一生都是如此。>>     
    独占欲>>     独占欲极强,如果得知知心密友和其他的朋友交往亲密,就会觉得朋友背叛了自己。>     
    压力>>     热爱和平的金牛座是彻头彻尾的乐天派。如果有什么事> 会使你不安,一定是朋友们的一些戏言。学会一只耳朵进,一只耳朵出,就会轻松很多了。>>     
    习惯>>    总是优游自在的生活,稍有不慎就有变成真黄牛的危险。一边看电视,一边慢腾腾地吃光饼干的习惯应当立即改正。金牛座还有让别人焦躁不已的习惯,这一点会引起人们的不满。>     
    幸福感>>     如果每天都和随和亲> 近的朋友在一起,会感觉沉浸在幸福当中,无法想象没有情感的生活。如果选择适合自己个性、随心所欲的工作,也会获得幸福的满足感。>     花心程度>>     即便不是疯狂地爱上他,但是只> 要倾心一次,就会持续好久,这就是金牛座的特点。在交往期间根本都不会注意别的男性,所以可以说情感专一。>     
    特长>>     金牛座在美术和艺术领域很有天分,有很多金牛座嗓音> 甜美,歌声美妙。喜欢热闹,也喜欢在人前表现。>     
    体质>>    金牛座女性总会为自己过于丰满的胸脯而苦恼。粗短,不够柔软的脖颈和矮小的个头也是苦恼之一,但是能够拉近彼此距离的灿烂的笑脸却无可挑剔,可以为你博得许多人的好感。浓密的发丝总会为你换来美女称号。爱好美食,一看到可口的食物就挪不开脚步,所以眨眼间营养就会扩充到120%。即便如此,你也会以'不太爱运动'的托词拒绝运动,这更是使你曼妙的身体曲线毁于一旦。由于属于容易发胖的体质,所以要格外小心,但是在健康上倒不必忧虑。自然恢复能力极强,不易患病,不过需要注意颈部,不要让自己美妙的声音受到破坏。此外还应注意肾脏、泌尿系统、生殖系统的疾病,避免偏食。 




    Saturday, June 27, 2009, 8:18 PM

    Things are getting fucked up. After one left, another is going too? Cool, so be it.
    If things is going that way, fuck it man. I don't need this shit.

    So, you have so much grievance and anger in this, why do you keep it to yourself? I didn't know having a friendship with me is such a hard task. Deeply saddened.

    I am no coward and I will not sit around and not fight. Call me defensive, call me whatever you reckon suit. But did you ever consider that a pot is calling a kettle black? And don't go about telling me what constructive shit to do. I have a lot on my hands now, and I don't need to seek parental advice for any decisions in my life.

    Don't assumed that I deemed myself perfect. Even if I am, I don't need to be told.I rather feel complete than incomplete.

    Now, don't tell me what guilty conscious shit u assumed.One, I have every right to remain silent on some parts of my life. Two, have you checked with your source? Three, I never lied to you. Don't put this shit-less offence on me. You should prolly understand how it feels more than anyone I know.

    Me, "extorting"* your weakness? Then, who is using my frankness against me? If whatever I said or did make u so fucking pissed off. I am sorry. You have been a good friend. Thanks for everything.

    All in all, you left me speechless.


    *author did not use the exact word.




    Friday, June 26, 2009, 10:54 AM

    So I guess our phase of friendship has come to an end. Would very much prefer it to be all consensus, then one sided. Don't give me excuses, for I just need to know when.

    Fate brought us together at the least expected moment of our lives. We came together defending our freedom, opened our hearts, cried aloud and god knows what we did when we were together. Throughout this, you ran, away from everyone, away from me. You always came back and said you were sorry that I weren't apart of your life, for excluding me. I tried to be understanding, to give you space. I thought that's what you need.

    Is certainly 'great' to hear from a friend about your lil party. A friend that you do not want to be around with. I asked you. You were definitely surprised. Who wouldn't be? Hur?!

    I knew what's the reason but I just wanted to hear from the horse's mouth. You gave me 'the classic you' response.

    Sadness is the understatement of how I feel. Utterly disappointed is more apt. Thanks for everything. Thanks for being there when I can find you around to talk things.

    Life is as such, we just have to leave things behind and move on.




    Thursday, June 25, 2009, 2:56 PM

    This is interesting. I have the sudden craving to be all homely and useful. I cleaned up the house. Fine, just mopping the damn floor. Is a good start. Got groceries for my baking expedition. Yes, baking. Hey peeps, I can cook ok?! Ask anyone in my FNN class. I actually aced it.

    Am going to do a matcha chocolate cake. Modified it due to the lack of money to get something I am going to only use once. PIcs will be uploaded.

    Domo did a special dinner for me to celebrate "end of exam". A lot of effort was put in and it was yum. Pics will be up too.

    Holidaying is the season to fattening yourselves up. Let's start now!




    Thursday, June 11, 2009, 12:31 PM

    My 23rd Birthday

    A very late post, indeed.

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    Thanks




    Saturday, June 06, 2009, 8:23 PM

    i am squatting in the corner. puffing out the smoke.
    wondering if i want it as much as i tot. going back doesn't sound as scary but wasting the effort i put in is.

    he said,"i want u to be happy. will do whatever i can to help."

    i smiled. bittersweet.

    this whole journey could just be over in a snap of the fingers. a sign, i need a sign.

    if YOU really do exists, please send me a sign.




    Tuesday, June 02, 2009, 12:09 PM

    is a war. prepping yourselves with the optimum information.
    when asked, all you say is, " huh? dunno how to do"

    everyone. i mean everyone. Hide to avoid being asking. is amazing how one works in the midst of the exam.

    survivor of the fittest, they say.

    bullshit statement. FML