Another night of self pity.
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I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

I am me.

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    Wednesday, May 05, 2010, 9:53 PM

    It has been a long time since I sit down and blogged about my life. I love my job, I love the fact I am experiencing different environment( work) even before I get my seats warm in a company. ( is a saying)

    I am given the best opportunity to learn from the best people, thanks to Audrey ( my favourite manager so far). She has been there always to guide, to point out the flaws and to accompany me when I am doing OT.

    Sadly, nice person do not always stick around in ones life. She has plans to resign ( she resigned, till date)and proceed to a different pasture after 7 years of audit love.

    Will miss her and hopefully our mentorship will always be strong to withstand the 'distance'.

    Back in sg, missing aussie, missing bf and of coz missing nightfill. That part of my life which I am so used to, has now become a memory and a final goal (destination) for which I will come back to in less than 2 years time.

    I am counting down and also anticipating THAT particular day to come.

    God bless pple of the world.




    Monday, February 08, 2010, 7:50 PM

    How much disappointment can one takes?
    How many failures can one bear before admitting defeat?

    This time, I open my arms and accept what You decide to throw me. I lay my humble self to You and teach me to see through Your eyes.




    Saturday, January 23, 2010, 3:12 PM

    I am living another life, a lifestyle I never thought I would embark on. Is not exactly the worst, but I certainly have been better. People never understands and they shoved their judgements right into my face. I picked myself up and dust it off, walk out in pride. At least, that's how I feel. The silent compassionate stares are good enough to make me feel sick in the stomach.

    Preoccupied myself with something I used to enjoy, doesn't seem to take anything off my mind. Nothing seems to make me enjoy my day, my only consolation is a good chat session with the girls. Rattling about our lives, remind me of the good old spinelli's days.

    The road ahead of me is so bleak and gloomy, armed with my qualifications and what's remaining in my bag of 'confidence', I charged ahead. I know domo and the girls are out there, waiting for me to come through the dark hole.




    Monday, January 18, 2010, 8:00 PM

    Is it weird that I want to be part of your life? Wanting be the one you pour your woes to, listening to you rambling about some far-fetch theories. I don't need you to fulfil any daily quota, is not an obligation. I just need you to do whatever that match your words. Words just sound so cheap.

    I know I put down the phone on you to watch my favourite show but I thought you will call me after. You know how much I like watching 'Judge Judy' and you call during then? Calling me when I am at work? Multiple calls, in fact.

    I have the same roaster for 2.5yrs, friends can't be bothered to remember, that's fine to me. But someone I care for, who doesn't give a hoot about my routine just doesn't upset me?

    I am far from needy but having a boyfriend that is in the same state as me, same area code as me and probably less than 20 mins bus ride from me, and not be able to see him for one freaking week, that's not justifiable.




    Thursday, December 31, 2009, 1:22 AM

    The remaining graduation pictures as promised.



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    Thursday, December 17, 2009, 4:04 PM

    Graduation ceremony, 16th December 2009

    Another milestone, everything has come to an end. At least for now.

    This time, is less sappy/touched but realization that I am actually very highly educated. Never in my life I would consider doing a Masters but here I am, with a Masters in my hand and the knowledge at the back of my head. This whole thing is crazy.

    Through this year, I know Domo, got wiser, met lena and her family. Is a fruitful experience. I will not do it again but I enjoyed every minute of it. I dare say, I put in my very best and am pleased with the results (me in my regalia).

    Let the photos do the talking.

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    I didn't have a pocket and hence, I have to put it in a very safe place. WAHAHA




    Friday, December 11, 2009, 1:40 AM

    Went to lena's to meet her mum. Her mum is good with her skills, skills that can read a person in depth. I finally met her and she poured out my history and it made me upset. Upset coz is true.

    Family: My parents love me though I always feel they do not. Due to their ability constraint, they can't offer what I would expect and it tore our relationship. Talks like "maybe you should reincarnate into a more wealthy family in your next life" or " I can't afford to let you study university, poly education is what I am going to provide and whatever next in your own business".

    Things that make me wonder their love for me when I was much younger. I thought they were selfish but never the fact that they were not able to provide whatever families are providing.

    This resolution amplified how selfish I was to think the world revolved around me. Me alone. They did whatever they could and whatever they were able to, to provide me with education and somewhat cushy life. Yet, I am so ungrateful.

    I wasn't the most bright student when I was much younger. My mum had to send me to tuition, swimming classes, abacus classes and what's not, thinking such activities will flex my brain muscles to their maximum capacity. Every month, mum has to pay a truckload of fees to sustain my weekly 'exercise' just so I can be 'normal'. I disappointed her time and time again by being rebellious, being stupid. She even has to take up a second job cleaning up people's houses to keep up with the growing monetary needs. How ungrateful am I?

    I teared. I know they love me. I really do but I am never contented. I always wanted more. More this more that, more luxury items, more holidays.

    Looking at myself now, I still wonder what will my life be if I do not have to work and study. Will my life be much more cushy? Will my results be more outstanding? It did crossed my mind that they are suffering in sg while I am 'enjoying' life here in aussie and I WANT TO DO SOMETHING. Something to ratify the situation but my flesh is weak. I NEVER ASK FOR MONEY except for uni fees. In my heart, I know the fees is rocket high and I only asked what remaining that I can't managed to save for. Yet, I always wonder.

    I talked to my dad last week. I almost cried. I knew what he wants to hear and I told him, " i will send money home once I get a job." Words so sweet but sometimes reality is not.

    If only, reality mirrored words.